*Artwork: Tess Emily Rodriguez

She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.

Q.

Hi Erin,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Actually, Valentine’s Day will be our two year anniversary. 

We talked about it, and he doesn’t want to go to a restaurant because of Covid.

I am really upset. Restaurants are open where we live. It’s legal, and we can follow safety precautions. I can’t force him to take me out, but am I wrong for being upset? 

I don’t want to even celebrate at all now. I am sick of being home, and I just wanted a night out.

A. 

I understand that it’s disappointing. The past year has been so challenging. We are ALL sick of being in various stages of lockdown, having our daily lives upended. BUT…

Your boyfriend is not in the wrong here. 

Covid is still raging through much of the country, through much of the world. So, his concerns are not unfounded. People are in varying states of comfort with being out and about, and there are no clear cut “right answers.” He’s told you what his comfort level is, and you need to respect that, just as I would expect him to do for you. 

Look for a compromise.

Is it possible to eat outdoors? A picnic? Backyard camping? (I realize these are wholly weather-dependent). What about getting fancier take-out and creating your own version of a restaurant at home? How about a massage, a romantic movie night, or a virtual comedy show or concert (there are so many happening now!)? There are many ways to work around this. And having to dig deep to create a memorable time with each other may be far more meaningful than eating in a restaurant would be. 

The pandemic has been exhausting, and I completely understand the desire for normalcy, the desire to celebrate the way you wished you could. But, is a restaurant the most romantic scenario? 

Maybe I’m in the minority, but Valentine’s Day was always my least favorite night to dine out.

If dinner is what you want, let him cook for you, do the prep, and clean up. Imagine a fantasy dinner scenario that could only be had at home. Or celebrate two nights—one night, you come up with the theme, prep, cooking or take out, clean up, etc., and then one night he does the same for you. 

Now, more than ever, it is time to get creative with how we socialize and celebrate. Remember that he is your partner; this is about both of you. I know you can make the night special. 

The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I’m not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share the wisdom I’ve gained after years of making mistakes. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendships, depression, parenting, sex, consent, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, what I’m listening to, Rainforest Jasper, or anything at all, use the contact form HERE or email me: askerin@erinkhar.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. 

Did you know I wrote a book about my 15-year struggle with heroin addiction? It’s called STRUNG OUT: One Last Hit and Other Lies that Nearly Killed Me, and it’s on sale now! 

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*Artwork: Tess Emily Rodriguez