Do you want to get a letter from me?

I have long been a fan of the Letters in the Mail subscription series offered by The Rumpus. For $10/month (that keeps one of the best literary sites around up and running) you receive an actual, physical letter in the mail. Every month. From amazing authors! It’s such a treat to get these. I am a subscriber, so I was THRILLED when they asked me to pen a letter.

You have until February 11th to sign up in time to receive my letter. You can find more info HERE. I hope you do AND I hope you write back!

XOXO

P.S. You can order individual letters from past authors, too!!!!

Hi. Hello. It's July???

It’s been a minute… or a few months. And oh so much has happened.

My book, STRUNG OUT, launched at the outset of the pandemic. It was surreal, shifting from the whirlwind of the book launch, which was cut short, then heading into lockdown. Like so many, I went through various stages of anxiety and grief—personal, professional, and global. There was so much to figure out, promoting the book in the middle of a pandemic, trying to work from home with no childcare, and learning how to balance work and home life.

At the end of May, in the wake of George Floyd’s death, protests began to erupt across the country and the world. I have always supported the Black Lives Matter movement and have never been quiet about that. The boiling point we reached allowed me the opportunity to confront how I have benefitted from a system built on white supremacy. No matter what my ideals have been, I have had to look at what I didn’t do, ways in which I hadn’t educated myself. I am committed to confronting racism within my community, my family, and myself. And in doing so, I am trying to balance when it is time for me to use my voice and when it is time for me to step back and uplift Black voices.

As you may know, I recently parted ways with Ravishly, both as Managing Editor and columnist. Ask Erin began nearly 11 years ago on my blogpost blog and has grown and flourished organically. And it continues now, here.

Post book launch, I’ve been finding my legs again as a writer. And I am writing again, working on new projects, and it’s exciting and scary, but it’s mostly a relief to be back in a groove.

Another thing that’s happened is that I’ve found a way to bring horses back into my life. It’s something I have wanted to do again for quite some time. And I’m doing it. I’m taking lessons, connecting with horses, and getting back a part of me that was integral in shaping who I am. I feel profoundly grateful that I have the opportunity to do it.

My newsletter is set to resume. I’ll be hosting more book giveaways. And I have some exciting plans for Instagram Lives with other authors, answering Ask Erin questions.

However, I want to know from you—the Ask Erin readers, my friends (both IRL and online), those who landed here after reading STRUNG OUT—what can I do to help make your life a little better right now? What can I share with you? How can I boost what you’re doing? What do you want to see more of in the Ask Erin column or my blog posts or on social media? We are in this together.

OMG Pub Date is 11 Days Away

Welp, it’s almost here—Strung Out’s pub day. I am feeling all shades of everything! Here’s a bit of what’s been happening….

• This fantastic book review on BookPage, in which the reviewer said: “Erin Khar’s memoir, Strung Out: One Last Hit and Other Lies That Nearly Killed Me, is a compassionate account of her illness and will surely be the gold standard for women writing about heroin addiction.”

• Also on BookPage, I was one of eight memoirists answering questions about writing our stories.

• An interview I did for Our Town NY, with a focus on resilience and hope.

• It was a pleasure doing this interview for Bitch Media. The questions were so thoughtful and I love the way it came out.

• Lastly, Strung Out was featured in this New York Times article about the new wave of addiction memoirs.

Rethinking "Tough Love"

Earlier this week, I wrote something for Salon about rethinking “tough love” when it comes to addiction. There has been a huge, largely positive response.

These earlier models of tough love keep those struggling locked in a cycle of shame. And that shame becomes a gatekeeper that prevents people from reaching out for help. That shame kills people. It nearly killed me.

You can read the rest of the article on Salon: We need to rethink "tough love" as a response to addiction.

I’d love to hear what you think!

XOXO

The Feeling of Holding Finished Hardcover Copies of Strung Out...

It was surreal to finally be holding finished hardcover copies of STRUNG OUT! These pictures don’t even do them justice. They’re so pretty and I am so grateful to the whole team at Park Row Books and all the people in my love who have loved and supported me through this entire journey.

Finished hardcover copies of Strung Out!

I did it. I wrote the damn book.

If you’d told me when I was in active addiction that one day I’d be 17 years drug-free, holding copies of a book that I wrote, I never would have believed you. I’m so damn lucky. 

Young Erin, it’s all gonna be okay, more than okay.

Finding Judaism in Recovery

I haven’t written a whole lot about religion. For a long time, I had none. But in recovery, I started finding a spiritual center, and eventually found a home in Reform Judaism. You can read all about it in this piece I wrote for Kveller: In Recovery From Drug Addiction, I Unexpectedly Found Judaism

If someone uses drugs, does that mean they don't deserve our compassion?

Image: Getty Images via HuffPost

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a piece for HuffPost about the ways in which we treat people who are struggling with addiction while experiencing homelessness. A bit of what I said:

If someone uses drugs, does that mean they don’t deserve our compassion? Much like the narratives of what makes a good “victim,” people are so quick to delineate the “good homeless” from the ones who deserve to be there. But no one deserves to be there. We all deserve shelter, food and compassion, without any conditions attached.

In the U.S., there are approximately 20 million people with a substance use disorder. With an estimated half-million people experiencing homelessness, many of whom have addiction issues, that means more than 19.5 million people struggling with substance use have homes. Yet when the person using drugs or drinking is homeless, we look down on them more, heaping extra stigma on a gravely marginalized group for suffering from mental health issues.

The article sparked a lot of debate online. As a rule, I don’t reply to comments, but I see them. Although there are many people who cannot see outside of their own experience, who are stunted in the empathy department, by and large the sentiment struck a chord with most folks. I received so many messages and emails and only one of them was nasty. The rest were thoughtful and reaffirmed why I write about the stuff I write about.

You can read the article in its entirety HERE.

XOXO

STRUNG OUT On New Lists From SELF, BitchReads, & Apple Books

It’s all happening! 2020 has rolled in and with a new batch of book lists featuring STRUNG OUT...

SELF’s 14 Books for Your New Year’s Resolution to Read More

BitchReads: 17 Memoirs Feminists Should Read in 2020

The Most Anticipated List from Apple Books

Lastly, it was a pleasure chatting with memoirist Carla Sameth about writing, motherhood, addiction, and trauma for Rare Bird Radio.

Recent Press for STRUNG OUT and Burn It Down

As the year wraps up, there have been some nice mentions of both STRUNG OUT and my essay in the anthology Burn It Down.

• I loved Jane Ratcliffe’s conversation (thanks for the shout out!) with Lilly Dancyger about Burn It Down for Guernica.

• A nice review of Burn It Down by Lizzie Lawson for The Journal that mentions my essay.

• Huge thanks to one of my favorite writers, Rene Denfeld, for including STRUNG OUT in her Year in Reading List for The Millions.

• Lastly, I was quoted in Olivia Pennelle’s article for The Fix: Privilege Lurks at the Heart of Recovery Movements.

STRUNG OUT is One of Alma's Favorite Books for Winter 2020

It’s a thrill for me to see STRUNG OUT on Alma’s roundup of their favorite winter 2020 books!

“Erin Khar started using heroin when she was 13 years old. Strung Out tells the story of her 15-year struggle to get clean and fight for her life. Khar, a Jewish writer who contributed an essay to the Burn It Down anthology, does not hold back. Khar explained, “There were very few books about drug addiction written by women, and I didn’t find any of them. I want my book to give people hope and to reduce the stigma around speaking about drug addiction. I wrote Strung Out because it was the book I needed when I was younger.” However, even if you are not someone who has struggled with addiction, Khar’s memoir is not to be missed. It’s a powerful story that points to larger issues in American culture about the opioid crisis and the stigma and shame around drug use. Publisher’s Weekly called it “heartbreaking yet heartwarming” and that is honestly the perfect description.

Read if you’re into: stories of addiction and recovery, memoir. Get it here.”

XOXO

STRUNG OUT on She Reads Most Anticipated Memoir List!

AHHHH, my first most anticipated list! I was thrilled to see STRUNG OUT on She Reads’ list of the most anticipated memoirs of 2020!

“Strung Out: One Last Hit and Other Lies That Nearly Killed Me by Erin Khar

This is one that I have been looking forward to for a long time. Khar openly and honestly shares her story about her years-long addiction to heroin. As a young teen, she started using to relieve the pressures of having to be perfect and to mask feelings she didn’t understand. While there is no straight path to recovery, Khar found the strength, self-love and forgiveness to quit when she became a mother. A beautifully honest memoir that shines light on the very real opioid crisis in America today, Khar’s story is a must-read.”

You can see the whole list on She Reads HERE.

Have You Entered The Strung Out Giveaway On Goodreads Yet?

Want to win an advanced reader copy of STRUNG OUT? Well, head on over to Goodreads and enter. 25 copies are up for grabs! It’s free to enter. I hope you enter and win because I can’t wait to talk with you about the book!

(Only available to US residents.)

ENTER HERE BY DECEMBER 9, 2019

XOXO

STRUNG OUT is Book Trailer of the Day at Shelf Awareness

What a nice surprise this morning to see that Shelf Awareness picked my book trailer as the Book Trailer of the Day!

I’ve always loved watching other authors’ book trailers and it’s surreal to see mine up on YouTube and being shared around social media. It’s a dream come true for me to be able to share my story with the readers and I feel really emotional about it (in a good way!). Hope you’re all having a fantastic week!

XOXO

In this deeply personal and illuminating memoir about her fifteen-year struggle with heroin, Khar sheds profound light on the opioid crisis and gives a voice to the over two million people in America currently battling with this addiction.

New Press & Reviews for Strung Out

Once my advanced readers were out in the world, I realized that STRUNG OUT had become it’s own entity, something I had created that is entirely separate from me. I’ve hoped (and sometimes worried) that my story and the narrative I created from it would resonate with readers and reviewers. While the first Goodreads reviews started appearing shortly after the advanced copies went out, I’d been waiting for my official reviews. The first two are in!

Publishers Weekly was the first official review to come in and they liked it! “Khar holds nothing back in this moving debut memoir about addiction…This heartbreaking yet heartwarming memoir puts a human face on the drug crisis and the factors that lead to addiction.” You can read the whole review HERE.

Next up was Kirkus Reviews. I had heard that Kirkus could be snarky with their reviews. So I felt extra nervous about this one. But what they said was so lovely and all positive. I can breathe again! “Khar is able to describe her behavior with refreshing perspective, and she is candid throughout…This contemporary take on an unfortunately too-common experience is eye-opening and relevant…A necessarily honest and emotional account that ends in earned redemption.” You can read the review in its entirety HERE.

Lastly, I was delighted to be a part of Lisa L. Kirchner’s article for The Fix on how the addiction memoir has evolved. She included this quote from our chat: Khar, for instance, recalls looking for relatable stories. “There were very few books about drug addiction written by women, and I didn’t find any of them.” So she set out to write one. “I want my book to give people hope and to reduce the stigma around speaking about drug addiction,” says Khar. “I wrote Strung Out because it was the book I needed when I was younger.” 

More to come!

XOXO

Join Me For the Burn It Down Launch at Books Are Magic on 10/9/19!

Burn It Down Panel

Books are Magic Wednesday October 09 | 7:30PM - 8:30PM

225 Smith Street
Brooklyn NY 11231

Lilly Dancyger: Burn It Down w/ Minda Honey, Erin Khar, Meredith Talusan

Wednesday October 09 | 7:30PM - 8:30PM

Women’s anger—so long mocked, dismissed, or considered taboo—appears at first glance to be having a moment, from the 2017 relaunch of Tarana Burke’s #MeToo movement, through the Women’s Marches around the world, to political analysis in the run-up to the 2020 election. Yet, as Lilly Dancyger writes in the introduction to Burn It Down: Women Writing about Anger (Seal Press, October 8, 2019), even “when asked specifically to write about their anger, many of the women in this book described it at first from a safe distance, explaining coolly and calmly what they were angry about.” We’ve been taught that angry women will be perceived as ugly, crazy, undeserving of love, and maybe even dangerous. As Dancyger puts it, “Millennia of conditioning is hard to unlearn.”

Even now, women’s anger is often made palatable by describing it as a tool for social change. But as Dancyger writes, “our anger doesn’t have to be useful to deserve a voice. Just as women who are so often reduced to sexual objects or baby-makers deserve to be considered as whole individuals on their own terms and for their own sakes, I wanted to give their anger space to exist solely for itself, without being packaged and used for someone else’s gain. That’s what this anthology is for.”

Meredith Talusan reflects on how differently her interaction with a male classmate would have unfolded if it had happened prior to her gender transition, or further down the road: “Because I was new to womanhood, I didn’t know I was supposed to let his blatant insult to my intelligence go.” Erin Khar describes anger subverted into guilt—but only for a time. And Minda Honey questions what to do with anger that’s leftover even after you forgive someone who’s wronged you.

Lilly Dancyger is the memoir editor at Narratively, a contributing editor and writing instructor at Catapult, and assistant books editor at Barrelhouse. Her work has appeared in The Rumpus, Washington Post, The Guardian, New York Magazine, and many other outlets.

Minda Honey's writing has been featured by Longreads, Oxford American, The Washington Post, The Guardian, Playboy, Vice, and other major publications. She’s working on a memoir about dating as a Black woman in Southern California, working title An Anthology of Assholes.

Erin Khar’s debut memoir about her decade-long battle with opiate addiction is forthcoming from Park Row Books in winter 2020. Erin is also the managing editor at Ravishly, where she writes the weekly advice column, Ask Erin.

Meredith Talusan’s debut memoir, Fairest, is forthcoming from Viking/Penguin Random House.

This event is free! Let us know you're coming on Facebook.

JAR Forum for a Safer New York City

If you live in the New York City area, I am speaking at an event that might interest you. Along with a group of expert panelists, I’ll be discussing the impact of the opioid crisis in New York City and what we can do as a community to address the crisis.

You can click through the image for tickets and more information.

Hope

This was a rough week.

Or rather, it was, for me, a week of highs and lows. The two high-profile deaths by suicide of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, left many of us reeling 

I put some thoughts together in the wake of Kate Spade's death: Depression Doesn't Care How Much Money You Have. 

and 

Upworthy published my thoughts on depression and compassion for self: I Have Compassion For Everyone Struggling With Depression — Except Me. 

I don't have all the answers, but I have hope.

I know you may feel alone. But I am here, if you need to talk, vent, scream, cry, or laugh. 

***

As we set off into a new week, a roundup of things I love, things that make me smile, things that make me think, and things that make me feel less alone. 

To Read

The Hidden Queer History Behind “A League of Their Own” by Britni de la Cretaz for Narratively 

How I Learned to Stop Judging And Love Insta-Witches by Lilly Dancyger for Catapult 

To Kate Spade’s Daughter...From Someone Who Has Been There by Melissa Blake for Harper's Bazaar

To a deeply depressed mother, suicide isn't selfish by Jen Simon for NY Daily News 

For single working parents like me, summer isn’t all fun and games by Stephanie Land for The Washington Post 

To Listen (I guess I'm feeling the 90s... what's new?)

To Watch (because we all need to laugh right now) 

Ali Wong: Hard Knock Wife

The Honeymoon Standup Special (Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher)

Tig Notaro: Happy To Be Here

Hari Kondabolu: Warn Your Relatives

Striking A Balance

Well, the end of May is upon us, and the energy of the world feels like a balance of two extremes. There has been absolutely loveliness — Meghan and Harry and their surprisingly inspiring wedding, the approach of summer, and so much to be grateful for in my personal life. And, there has been horror — another flippin’ school shooting, our dysfunctional and dangerous administration, and more bloodshed in the Middle East. 

So, how do we find a balance between these extremes?

Where is the gratitude when it feels like the world is imploding? 

For me, I find it in the people I love. I find it in art — words, music, visual arts. And I find it by going outside and connecting with nature, of getting myself grounded in the physical body of Earth. (Yes, even in New York City, this is possible.) 

To that end, I put together a list of some stuff that made me think, made me smile, or just made me feel this week.

What I'm Listening To

What I'm Reading

• Terese Marie Mailhot's Surviving Racism Through Storytelling for Pacific Standard  
• Ronit Feinglass Plank's I Can't Shake The Guru Bhagwan for The Rumpus
• Wendy Staley Colbert's The Ethics of Empathy for Brevity 

What I'm Watching