This column first appeared on Ravishly.

She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.

Q.

Hi Erin,

I am really dreading going to my work holiday party.

I actually like a lot of my coworkers and hang out with them on my own time, but the holiday party is set up as an expectation by my bosses, and they put so little effort into and then tell us it is required. I end up really grumpy about it and having a terrible time.

This party is held a few weeks after the holidays are over on a weekend night. It is a potluck and BYOB, and they always ask an employee to host it at their house rather than taking us out or opening up their own houses. There is also a Yankee Swap that we have to participate in.

Last year the party was held on the MLK weekend, meaning they expected everyone to stay home over the break in order to attend.

It feels like they make no effort and basically expect us as the employees to provide everything from food to drinks to presents to the actual house to make the party happen, and then try to tell us we are required to go.

Am I being a Scrooge in not wanting to participate?

Am I overreacting?

Thanks!

You Might Also Like: Ask Erin: Should I Tell My Colleague I'm In Love With Him?

A.

Your bosses’ idea of a holiday party for employees is TERRIBLE.

You are not overreacting. The whole point of a holiday or end of the year party is to treat employees for the hard work they do all year long.

It’s ridiculous that your employers expect employees to throw and pay for the party essentially. And to ask employees to attend over a holiday weekend?? SMDH.

Now, handling this is going to take a little tact, but I do think you need to speak up.

I would schedule a meeting with whichever superior you feel the most comfortable with.Write down what you want to say ahead of time. Speak with your co-workers so that you can offer their feedback as well. What would be even better is if you schedule the meeting with another coworker present. And come prepared to provide some alternative suggestions.

We so often let politeness supersede speaking our minds.And they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.You can get your point across while still acknowledging what they do and the respect you have for them.

The gist of what you need to communicate is that while you appreciate that they want to celebrate with the whole team, it’s unusual to ask their employees to host and provide the food, drink, etc.

Perhaps you can suggest that if this is going to be an everyone-chips-in situation, then the team can vote on what they want to do. Maybe you go out for drinks, or bowling, or a have lunch potluck at work.

They can’t fire you for expressing an opinion or making a suggestion. Do so with kindness and care, get some backup from your coworkers, and know that you are not a Scrooge — their version of a holiday party SUCKS.

The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I’m not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share with you the wisdom I’ve gained after years of making mistakes. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendships, depression, parenting, sex, consent, what I’m reading, what I’m eating, Sodalite, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. Lastly, I’m so excited to share with you my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide, free when you sign up for my weekly newsletter. xoxo

This article first appeared on Ravishly.

She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.

Q.

Dear Erin,

You've answered so many "do I tell them that..." inquiries lately, but I really hope you'll help with mine, too. I'm in an awkward situation, and I would love to hear your thoughts because I don't know how to tell them this uncomfortable info!

I'm a kinky girl. I especially like to exhibit my body to others, mostly by taking somewhat artistic nudes of myself. Since exposing myself to unsuspecting strangers is a sex crime and I'm all about being safe, sane, and consensual, I am really careful about how I exhibit myself.

I am on a website specifically for voyeurs and exhibitionists. (Think FetLife but kink specific.) Since this is a risky kink, there are rules in place to protect member's identities. We can't share anything that could identify the person in the photo. Even recognizable decor in the background is discouraged.

Awhile back, I started a thread seeking like-minded friends in my area. One of the guys who answered and I shared a few emails and PG13 pics before deciding we weren't a good match and moved on. We never discussed details like our names or jobs.

He recently shared a photo with the group in which his face is visible. I don't think it was intentional. There's a mirror behind him, and you can see his profile in the reflection.

The problem is, when I saw this photo I realized I used to work with him!

We were co-workers very briefly about three summers ago. While we joked and got along at work, I don't remember any sexual tension between us. If he had a thing for me at all, I was oblivious. I'm pretty sure neither of us was interested in the other. I don't see this as a really crazy meet cute.

I don't think he's going to be excited to know he's accidentally been recognized. All the same, as awkward as this is for both of us, I think I'd want to know if someone ever recognized me. And if he didn’t mean to show his face, he might appreciate a heads up. We talked about trust and not showing photos to others without permission, so I'm not concerned about him outing me at all. If he did, I have far more juicy dirt on him anyway. But it seems like I'm doing something naughty (and not fun-naughty!) by knowing about this and not telling him.

How in the world do I go about letting him know that he was exchanging dirty pics with someone who is not a stranger after all?

Ohmygod this is so uncomfortable! Pretty please help!

You Might Also Like: Ask Erin: Should I Tell My Colleague I'm In Love With Him?

A.

There are few things less pleasant than seeing unwanted junk. And, yes, more awkward if you know the person attached to said junk IRL.

You know the old expression that it’s better to rip the band-aid off than peel it away slowly? Well, that applies here, too.

You should tell him.

Why? Because, as you said, he may not be aware that he is recognizable in the pic and you would want someone to give you the heads up if the situation were reversed.

How to tell him?

Be thankful we live in the age of electronic communication. Send him an email or message through the site. Just get straight to the point.

“Hey! Hope you’re well. I wanted to give you a heads up (no pun intended) that your face is recognizable in the last pic you posted. I recognized you from us working together awhile back and thought you should know because if I recognized you, others might too. Take care!”

And the beauty is that how awkward can you possibly feel over email/message?

Lastly, I doubt he is going to out you for giving him the heads up.

I wouldn’t pay that much mind. Let me know how it goes! And here’s hoping that soon you’re feeling the fun kind of naughty again!

The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I'm not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share with you the wisdom I've gained after years of making mistakes. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, my current fave snack, Citrine, or anything at all, use the contact form or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. Lastly, I’m so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide, free when you sign up for my weekly newsletter. xoxo