She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.

Q.

My boyfriend doesn’t believe me.

I'm at a loss and confused. I just started dating a guy about a month and a half ago. 

Things had been going well until he found out that I was stalked by an ex at one point in my two years of being single. 

I did answer his texts here and there to keep the stalking down. So this comes up in conversation, and he says I lied, and I still love my ex. I haven't loved him in years, but I was scared because my ex was a cop. 

I told him the truth, and he didn't want to believe me. 

Do I leave him alone? Because to me, he's wrong not to trust my word in such a short amount of time. The issue was months before we started talking. However, I know his ex-wife cheated on him with a cop, which led to the divorce. 

Please help! I truly was falling for him until this.

A. 

The short answer is GTFO.

Make this boyfriend your ex-boyfriend because this is a giant flashing red flag. 

Based on what you’ve told me, there is absolutely no good reason for him not to trust you. He is angry at you for being stalked—long before he met you? No, just, no. 

What can you learn here? This guy is controlling, suspicious, and projecting crap on you that has nothing to do with you. 

He is doing you a huge favor by showing you who he is. Believe him.

This behavior is a harbinger of how he will act in the future anytime something comes up that triggers his insecurities. 

I’m sorry his wife cheated on him, but that has NOTHING to do with you. You didn’t do that. You shouldn't be punished for it just because your ex is a cop. A cop who stalked you! This new guy has similar warning signs. Sometimes we are unconsciously drawn to what we know, even when what we know is toxic. It seems like that’s what’s happening here. 

Dump him. And find a therapist. 

Please. 

You deserve to be with someone who trusts you and treats you with respect. He is not that guy. So you are right in your evaluation that he is wrong. He is wrong. When people show us who they are, we need to believe them. And act accordingly.

The good news is that you’ve only invested six weeks, not six months or six years. Allow yourself to do the healing necessary so that you won’t gravitate toward this kind of asshole again. You will have the opportunity to fall for someone in the future, someone who is worth your time and knows what to do with your heart.   

But with this guy? Run. 

Don’t stick around to see how much worse things will get.

The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I’m not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share the wisdom I’ve gained after years of making mistakes. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendships, depression, parenting, sex, consent, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, what I’m listening to, Pink Tourmaline, or anything at all, use the contact form HERE or email me: askerin@erinkhar.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. 

Did you know I wrote a book about my 15-year struggle with heroin addiction? It’s called Strung Out: A Memoir of Overcoming Addiction, and it’s on sale now! Lastly, I’m so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide, free when you sign up for my newsletter, which contains a behind-the-scenes look at STRUNG OUT and the publishing process, exclusive extras and book giveaways only for newsletter subscribers, recommendations to get you through the week, extra Ask Erin content, and more… XOXO 

*Artwork: Tess Emily Rodriguez